INNYOUU Now the world is in your hands…
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Now, every love story needs a dose of social media spice. Enter the “God when” crew. These are the dedicated warriors who wait until your anniversary post to type “Chai, God when?” in the comments as if their wedding will miraculously appear the next day. But the real twist comes when you realize Nigerian relationships are not just between two people; no, they involve village people. Somewhere out there, your imaginary enemies are allegedly plotting how to destabilize your love life. Did your partner forget to call you back? Village people. Lost your favorite gele for the introduction ceremony? Village people again. It’s never the partner’s fault it’s always spiritual warfare.
Speaking of warfare, let’s talk about the great financial debate. Nigerian men often complain, “Am I your ATM?” after receiving a request for something as minor as shawarma and cold Zobo. Meanwhile, Nigerian women counter with, “So you can spend on FIFA points but not take me to a proper restaurant?” And if you’ve ever tried splitting a bill in a Nigerian relationship, you know it’s like initiating World War III. The guy insists, “It’s not about the money; it’s about respect,” while the girl retorts, “Respect yourself and add dessert to that bill!”
Then comes the family drama. In a typical Nigerian setting, the moment you start dating, your family automatically wants to know if the person is marriage material. Aunties, especially, are notorious for the subtle interrogation: “So, what do they do? Is it oil and gas or just gas?” God help you if you mention they’re still ‘finding themselves.’ That relationship might not survive the family meeting.
And let’s not forget the romantic declarations that only Nigerians can pull off. A guy might boldly tell his girlfriend, “You are the pepper to my suya, the Maggi in my life’s soup.” Sweet, yes, but also slightly confusing. On the flip side, a girl might text her boyfriend, “If you don’t call me back in five minutes, I’ll send you to voicemail for the rest of my life.” It’s both a threat and a love letter.
Of course, every love story ends with some kind of event. If things go well, there’s a wedding an all-out extravaganza featuring aso ebi, five-tier cakes, and enough party rice to feed a small country. But if things go south, there’s drama. One partner will declare, “I’m blocking you and your entire generation!” while the other fires back, “Block me and see if I won’t open a new account just to disturb you!”
In the end, Nigerian love stories are a rollercoaster of emotions funny, dramatic, and occasionally heartwarming. It’s why we secretly think they deserve their movie genre, complete with a soundtrack of Wizkid, Simi, and, of course, some gospel hits for when the village people are involved. Who knows? Your next romance might just be the plot for Nollywood’s next blockbuster.
So let me know your thoughts on the comment section! Thanks for your attention.
Joseph Kabulu!
